SOAPOPERA ASKS: IN CONVERSATION WITH DOMINATRIX SIMONE SIREN

Feminism and women’s empowerment, two topics that have been heavily used by the media and internet activists in the past few months out of the back of the scandals that ripped Hollywood (and every other industry) apart.
However, in the midst of it all, I have had time to reflect and look at these movements under a different light and think about who are the real advocates at the bottom of the pyramid. The ones that actually hold feminine power high in the palm of their hands yet are never really given well deserved recognition when it comes to reward women with rights.
They are unapologetic and strongly opinionated. They are wholly themselves and they use their female energy and magical shapes to make a living off perverted men. The same kind of men that usually exploit us for their own pleasure and subtract us off privileges any being in charge of populating the world should automatically be given, no questions asked.

These women are sex workers.

Sex work was never a theme I put much focus on.
Possibly due to the fact that it’s taboo in our society and it’s always been given a negative connotation.
I am guilty of being blinded by the misogyny surrounding the subject, although it being the oldest occupation in the world.

Much less I was educated about BDSM and fetishes, because this is another subject that is hardly talked about or shed light on due to its mischievous aura, despite being a pretty sexually liberated woman that enjoys fun sex (sorry parents if you are reading).

All this, until I met Simone at my first hipster Thanksgiving dinner in Dubai.
Her captivating smile and happy eyes under her heavy black bangs released a special energy. The kind that fills a room without trying.
Her colorful tattoos were the proof that she was a bad ass woman and wasn’t afraid to show it.
Unfortunately I didn’t get to chat to her much during the dinner, mostly because my mouth was full of turkey stuffing and Barefoot Contessa Moscato (basic white girl anybody!?) the whole time but the vibes I picked up from her were positive and I learned that she was living in Thailand but – from her accent – was originally American.  
She was in Dubai only for a few days visiting (or working maybe?) with her best friend, whom was also present at the dinner.

A few days later, Simone followed me on Instagram and that’s how I found out about her profession.
Simone is a professional Dominatrix.
I must admit that I was a bit confused at first. She seemed too sweet for that, and as I knew nothing (and still don’t really know much) about this practice, it took me 20 astonishing minutes down her witty and outspoken feed to realize what her actual job was. After dissolving the fog of ignorance that had tarnished my brain with social double standards, I opened up google and started researching about the topic.
Within 2 minutes of reading, I reached out to my editors at Soapopera and told them I wanted to write about Simone because she’s everything we stand for.

Not only that, but her openness in sharing about sex work and her fight to erase the stigma around these women made me want to join in and help her give a voice to her community. And I hope with this interview, more people like me will get interested in the topic and break free off the ignorance floating around sex work.

So here we are.
Enjoy.

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Naomi. Please introduce yourself. Name, age, where are you from and where are you based now.
Simone. My “name” is Simone Siren. I’m 27 years old and I am from Miami, Florida. I’m currently based out of Bangkok, Thailand as of 2 years ago.

Naomi. What brought you out to Thailand, what is it like to live out there.
Simone. Originally my plan was to become an English teacher.
I got my TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) certification before moving to Bangkok. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, that didn’t really work out for me.
Bangkok is wild. Sometimes even lawless. It’s incredibly sex and trans-positive.
It’s startling to be able to observe and experience such openness in a different culture to mine.
The outskirts of Bangkok are lush and serene. There’s smaller towns and gorgeous islands where you can spend days, weeks, months, or even the rest of your life in the sun, surrounded by genuine smiles and delicious exotic fruits not easily found elsewhere.

Naomi. What is it that you do and explain a bit what it means to be a dominatrix.
Simone.  I am a professional Dominatrix.
Which means I engage in and create BDSM – related experiences for a submissive clientele.
These experiences are usually sexual in nature – but I personally do not engage in sexual intercourse or oral sex whatsoever.
Every Dominatrix offers different services, but the majority of us do not engage in any kind sexual intercourse.
BDSM can have the connotation of strict Domination/submission or the more extreme Sadomasochism, but it also encompasses hundreds – if not thousands- of kinks, fetishes, and taboo role play.
Some of which might not even be overly sexual.
There are so many varieties of concepts and fantasies and as a Dominatrix, I turn these fantasies into real – life or online experiences for my clients.
Sometimes it’s a one off session, sometimes it’s recurring.
I built close and long lasting relationships with some of my customers and we have been keeping in touch for the past few years. The comprehensive factor in any and every Domination scenario is that they are ALWAYS fully controlled and led by the Dominatrix.

Naomi. How long have you been doing this and how did you get into it.
Simone. I have been a Dominatrix on and off for 7 years. Full time for the past two years.
Originally I was approached by a close friend in 2010, when I was living in New York City. She told me I had a very intimidating look, and asked if I had ever considered being a Dominatrix.
I had been considering it and was looking into professional dungeons in Manhattan that I could start working at but my friend took me under her wing.
She became my mentor and work partner. She advertised for me, took care of all the correspondence with clients, and let me use her space, toys, tools.
She taught me how to turn into this powerhouse.
My first session ever  was a whirlwind of me trying everything I could think of.
I tied the client up, whipped him, spit, beat, yelled at him – you name it.
It was a bit overwhelming but the power was intoxicating. I felt so empowered, you know, being a young woman who had been regularly harassed and mistreated by men throughout her life. I could finally funnel that aggression and built up anger into something consensual and fulfilling for both parties.
This first client was a sweet, young Hasidic Jew from Brooklyn.
And although we had to peel off duct tape from all over his body post-orgasm, he was immensely elated and grateful for the experience we shared.
He ended up being a loyal client until I finally moved out of New York in 2015.

Naomi. Are you considered a sex worker?
Simone. Absolutely. I work in the industry of sex/sexual encounters.
While I don’t personally engage in intercourse or oral sex, it doesn’t mean I’m any better or worse, higher or lower than any other sex worker.
Some people project a “hierarchy” within sex work, but I think that is just some deep internalized misogyny towards your sisters.
We are all in the same field, there’s no reason for us to tear each other down.

Naomi. Do your friends & family know what you do? If yes, was it hard for them to accept/understand. If not, how do you keep it from them.
Simone. At first I only told my very close friends. I wasn’t interested in the side-eyes and whispers behind my back that would follow if I told everyone. I knew many would look at me differently and question my morality, but eventually I couldn’t understand why I had this fear.
Being a Dominatrix is so empowering and evocative, not to mention bizarre and entertaining, and I wanted to share it!
I became so passionate about everything I was learning and experiencing, and I wanted to address the stigma surrounding my job.
I pride myself on my blunt honesty so it didn’t take me long to open up.
Even though it raised eyebrows and elicited some pretty ignorant responses, it felt important to shed light on something very disgraced and misunderstood.
As for my family – only my mom knows. I was pretty open with her from the beginning. She raised my brothers and I as a single mother, leading by example and raising me to be a strong, independent woman who doesn’t take shit from anyone – especially men!
Needless to say she took it pretty well when I told her.
I don’t give her all the gritty details, but it’s nice to be able to be open and have her support through it all.

Naomi. Does your job interfere with personal relationships?
Simone. It has in the past. I had one boyfriend who pretended he was okay with it, but always lashed out at me for being a “fair-weather sex worker” and how it wasn’t a reputable choice of profession.
He didn’t last that long anyway but due to factors outside my profession.
My current relationship is great. I told him what I do for a living the night we met. He fully respected it and understood that it is a job like any other that at the end of the day.
My clients don’t threaten my relationship and my boyfriend doesn’t have a jealous bone in his body.
Maybe I’m a bit bossier than most,  but I think my boyfriend is okay with it.
Being a Dominatrix has made me more confident in myself, my views and my choice.
I will only involve myself with people who can respect and support that.

Naomi. Do you feel like there is still a stigma around voluntary sex work due to the lack of control in illegal prostitution and not enough help towards human trafficking?
Simone. Yes. Unfortunately, the law that is trying to eradicate human trafficking doesn’t take into account the effect that has on those of us with agency. Furthermore, taking down advertising platforms for sexual services not only hinders voluntary sex workers, but also pushes the human traffickers further underground and out of reach of the law.
Sex work is one of the oldest professions in history and the only reason it is still seen as dirty and clandestine is because it’s generally a cash in hand transaction that cannot be taxed. Although most of us want to pay taxes!
We want to coexist within the work force. And we want to be able to protect ourselves if we face harassment or violence in the workplace. We should be able to report attackers without being told we were asking for it.
What is the difference in being assaulted in an organic sexual situation, or during sexual acts for money?
Both scenarios are violent and traumatizing, but with the latter you cannot protect yourself without incriminating yourself.
The degrees of this vary, and is usually magnified in very conservative countries.
There are so many reasons sex work is still stigmatized – and might always be – but the sooner we can accept that we are intelligent and imaginative beings, who are naturally  sexual, the sooner we can break down these walls that separate us.

Naomi. You are obviously really open about your profession on your social medial. Have you been shamed before? If yes, how do you deal with it?
Simone. It took me a really long time to be open on my social media. I just didn’t want to deal with the trolls and the backlash and harassment. I already receive enough of it from my usual advertising and correspondence with men, so I didn’t want to add to it in a more public eye. But once I began to open up I received so much positive and supportive feedback from friends and acquaintances and even strangers! I had no idea that I could affect people that much, or bring them that much joy and entertainment from what I do.
But I always hoped that by being more open I could help other people find the power within themselves to be strong and confident. To become comfortable with their sexual fantasies and kinks and ideas!
As for those who choose to harass me instead, the block button is a savior. I have definitely built up a thicker skin over the years, but thank God for that block button!

Naomi. Have you ever been asked if you were forced to do it or if you have a pimp? Do people perceive your profession as prostitution?
Simone. I’m sure many people perceive what I do as prostitution, but it only comes from a place of ignorance. You can’t change everyone’s views, but it is important to educate others whenever possible, to at least shed some light on a subject that’s generally misunderstood.
As a Dominatrix I think there is less of an idea of a pimp behind the curtain, because this field of sex work focuses on the power and independence of the Woman – fully in control of themselves and their submissive clients.

Naomi. What are your thoughts on the sex industry? How are women treated? Some people could say sex work is degrading and misogynistic. What are your thoughts on that?
Simone. My thoughts on the sex industry are positive! We are in an era where we publicly share so much of ourselves online.
I think that has made it easier for people to learn about and accept sex work.
You can follow a person and their journey via their social media nowadays. Women have more agency and are able to build their brand from the ground up and be completely self sufficient!
Women are treated poorly throughout many aspects of their lives, and many sex workers face harassment from clients that are unsatisfied, who get denied when they expect more of a “relationship”, or those who don’t meet the requirements for a session. It can be a lot to put up with and I definitely do not recommend this profession for those who cannot stand up to or ignore the harassment from trolls, bullies and angry men.
With sex work you are in FULL control of your own body, the content you produce, and those you choose to work with.
While there is tons of misogyny within the field of sex work, it is important to choose your clientele, “co-workers” and collaborations wisely.
Reporting abusers within the industry is extremely important in preventing further exploitation and harm in the industry.
Of course many people can see sex work as degrading – but that is because we have been conditioned to think that expressing sexuality is something to be ashamed of. We treat sex and kink as something dirty and disgusting, even though its natural and passionate and beautiful.
Sex and kink is intimate and emotional, and can provide people with a release from the constant stresses of daily life. It is liberating and powerful to take control of your sexuality and to share it with those who understand the need for human companionship and intimacy. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a life partner, and providing these paid sexual experiences can be very fulfilling for many people.

Naomi. You are the definition of Girl Power in my opinion. How do you feel about the modern feminist movement? Do you identify with it? Your profession could be seen as “anti feminist”. Has this topic ever been raised with you?
Simone.  The Spice Girls, Oprah, Judge Judy and my mom taught me well!!
The modern feminist movement has some serious intersectional flaws that need addressing.
Especially sex worker and trans exclusions. Feminism is supposed to support women and their right to choose; the freedom to do whatever they want with their bodies, and to be treated fairly and equally in a predominantly male – centric society.
To exclude sex workers means to police and degrade some women, their bodies, sexuality and profession.
Trans exclusion because someone didn’t “grow up a biological woman” is completely lacking understanding and empathy for the struggles, hatred and violence these women face growing up in a body that doesn’t feel like their own in a society where people treat them as inhumane.
Women are powerful, intelligent beings.
It hurts me when these “feminists” deem being born with XX chromosome more worthy of recognition than trans women.
I don’t identity with the SWERFs (sex worker exclusionary radical feminist)  and TERFs (trans exclusionary radical feminist) that plague the feminist movement.
For those who think my profession is anti – feminist – I literally enslave men for a living. I break them down and reprogram their little, misogynistic brains.
I personally break down the patriarchy by training my clients to treat ALL women as superior.
I take their money and redistribute it to femme owned companies, creators, and artists.
I donate some of what I earn to projects and organizations that support women and POC.

Naomi. Do you have any preferred fetishes?
Simone. I love feminization/sissification sessions. You dress up your submissive in feminine clothes, shoes, make-up, wig. It’s like playing with a life sized doll!
I also really enjoy bondage paired with light sensory deprivation. It is my absolute favorite. Once you tie someone down and take away their sight & hearing (blindfold and ear-plugs), the anticipation become excruciating!
The submissive has no idea what toys or tools I am using on them, or when.
Sometimes I just let them sit there without any touching or stimulation whatsoever. The agony of not knowing what is coming next, or when, is almost more painful than physical torture.
Predicament bondage is amazing and takes a lot of talent and imagination.
It means to tie someone in a situation for period of time that will cause muscle fatigue, and if they choose to move or change positions for relief, it will cause them pain to another sensitive area that is also tied up. For example, tie someone’s genitals so that it is resting comfortably ONLY if they stand on their tip toes. If they stop standing on their toes and lower their weight, the rope around their genitals will get tighten and cause pain.
I also enjoy sessions where I inflict painful torture (all consensual).
For example – face slapping or ball-busting. I mean, come on – it feels FUCKING AMAZING to slap someone across the face, full force!
Or to kick them in the balls repeatedly! A great way to channel that aggression and get out your frustrations!
Recently I have gotten into Electro play.
There are lots of ways to incorporate it – but my favorite is attaching metal toys to nipples or genitals and then shocking them with an electric wand. I consider myself a bit of a sadist and love coming up with new ideas to torture someone – mentally and physically.

Naomi. Do you enjoy your sessions or it’s just a job to you?
Simone. I always enjoy my sessions. It is my passion and my livelihood. I do not meet with people that are disrespectful in our initial correspondence. Nor people who do not match my interests. There will be no chemistry and we will both be disappointed.
It is a job in the sense that I am not looking for personal slaves or romantic relationships with any clients, ever. This is hard for some clients to grasp, considering the meetings are usually sexual and intimate in nature and as a result many clients open up and get very personal with the sex workers they see.

Naomi. How do you do business? How did you build your client base?
Simone. Business is done just like any other.
Marketing and advertising yourself is the most important aspect. The websites on which to do so vary from country to country, and most of the time you have to advertise on many different websites or platforms at once. You have to create, edit, and update your website and social media regularly, because that is also part of your brand and advertising. We have regular photoshoots to keep things fresh.
We spend a lot on fetish wear, toys and equipment.
The more you have, the more services you can offer, and the more clients you will gain.
In order to build and keep a client base, you must always communicate clearly and respectfully.
Even if they are submissive, they are a paying customer.
You need to address them from a business standpoint when arranging a transaction for goods/services.
To keep those clients and to build a healthy Dominant/submissive relationship, it’s always important to provide aftercare to your submissives.
Be yourself and let your unique traits stand out and be worshipped. Our differences are what make us so appealing and intriguing and submissives choose to serve us because of that.

Naomi. Do you have any preferred clients/habituals?
Simone.  Yes many. Some that serve me online via Skype, and others that serve in person. I prefer those clients who I am able to speak with openly about my views and opinions. The things I am passionate about. The clients that expect me to be a raging, unrelenting Dominatrix 24/7 aren’t actually interested in who I am as a person. Therefore I prefer those who take the time to get to know me.

Naomi. Do you bring BDSM into your intimacy?
Simone. For the most part, my intimate relationship is fairly “vanilla”, but we like to tie each other up and get rough sometimes. He won’t let me dress him up like a doll, but thankfully I have many clients to fulfill that desire!

Naomi. Have you ever faced dangerous situations? Funny situations?
Simone. I am very lucky to have not faced anything too dangerous. Although I have been working in cities where sex workers were targeted, robbed, and attacked. I try to keep in touch with girls in whatever city I am in. We share blacklists of dangerous people to look out for. Also, trusting your intuition is so important in this field. If you have a bad feeling, don’t do it. Risking your safety isn’t worth any potential payout.
The funniest situation was when I was working at a professional dungeon in NYC.
It was my first day there, and a client came in wanting a full blown food fight.
Another Domme was chosen for the session, but she invited a few other of us to join halfway through.
We were cracking eggs on his head, filling our hands with whipped cream and slapping him across the face, spraying chocolate syrup and strawberry milk everywhere. He even sucked jello off of some dildos. That was definitely the most fun I ever had in a session.

Naomi. Have you faced any sexual harassment? Seen the latest episodes in Hollywood and how all these women around the world are coming out with their stories, what’s your take on this topic as somebody that deals with sex everyday?
Simone. I face sexual harassment daily. From dick pics in my DMs, to people threatening to kill me for ignoring their messages. Literally all the worst insults you can think ok.
I have faced it on the street and on the subway in New York. Just walking or minding my own business.
I’ve had men try and coerce me into having sex with them when I was drunk and said “no” to their advances.
I had an ex-boyfriend take secret videos while having sex with me who then sent it to friends and strangers over Snapchat. I’ve been groped and fondled in the middle of a nightclub by a complete stranger.
I am thankful to have a thick skin and I try not to let these things plague me.
What is going on in Hollywood is a despicable abuse of power.
Even more disappointing are those around it who knowingly let it go on for so long, enabling these abusers because it was easier to turn blind eye. While the #MeToo movement is a massive step in the right direction, I think it undermines the root of the movement.
#MeToo was originally started by a black woman by the name of Tarana Burke 10 years ago, to bring to light and speak up for WOC in underprivileged communities. Sexual assault and rape is rampant in domestic jobs yet it is not addressed or fixed and these women don’t have the luxury of being able to quit.
It disappoints me that it took white, well-known actresses to re-brand this movement for the masses – and that they didn’t even credit Tarana Burke.
Unfortunately these are atrocities women face worldwide, and finally sexual harassment is getting the attention and condemnation it deserves.
There is another flaw in the#MeToo movement though, and that is the representation of sex workers who have been harassed, assaulted or raped on the job. Instead of support, we are told that we are “asking for it”. Instead of being able to report assault, we have to suffer and endure in silence for fear of being persecuted ourselves. I wonder if any celebrities will speak up for us too – people like Cardi B, an ex-sex worker who is strong, inspiring and passionate and now has a very public, international platform. Sex workers can also bring so much to the conversation, considering our jobs are entirely based around navigating and negotiating boundaries and consent in sexual and intimate interactions.

Naomi. How do you think BDSM practices affect people emotionally and psychologically?
Simone. I think having a consensual space to fully succumb to your desires and kink is necessary for people to feel fulfilled. It is especially rewarding for people whose fetishes may be more taboo. Even people with a foot fetish say they have such a hard time accepting it or finding partners who are into it, who won’t shun them once they open up about their kink. To be able to see a Dominatrix means you can finally be in touch with those strong emotions that have otherwise remained closeted, or are shamed by society. Being able to explore those “deep, dark desires” is how we can begin to understand ourselves more intimately. Psychologically, it can be immensely fulfilling – even similar to a high. Submissives or bottoms can be transported to a “sub-space” during the session, completely succumbing to their deepest thoughts and feelings, while endorphins and adrenaline pump through their veins. The Dominant or Top can also be fulfilled psychologically and emotionally, feeling empowered and in control, being able to perform and engage in whatever kinky desires and ideas they have in mind. Finding the BDSM community opens up an entirely new world for people, and proves that you are not  unlovable for having a “weird” fetish! You can truly be yourself. You won’t be shamed or shunned for it either – unless humiliation happens to be your kink, of course.

Naomi. Is there anything you want the world to know about your job and the rest of the industry?
Simone. While BDSM seems like a bizarre, odd and unlikely lifestyle, it is WAY more common than you think. My clients are young, old, handsome, conservative, all races, all religions, across all borders. BDSM permeates every part of the world, and I hope that once more people realize it, we can work on being more communicative and open-minded with our partners.
I want the world to know that sex workers are capable of so many other things, regardless of our history in the this industry. I imagine getting back into the “vanilla” work force and wonder how many call backs I would receive with my resume consisting of 7+ years as a Dominatrix.
Also, stop shaming straight men for liking stuff in their ass. Men have a PROSTATE in their ass!
It’s just like a G-Spot! Just let them have that mind-blowing nut from some prostate stimulation!

Naomi. Is there anything you wish was different about this industry?
Simone. I wish that there were more Femmes in charge of porn companies and sex-work agencies. I wish we could be free from persecution for voluntary sex work. I wish there were more places for sex workers to advertise and crowdfund openly. I wish the industry would have more diversity and stop popularizing only skinny, white cis women.

Naomi. What’s your advice to women considering getting into sex work/BDSM?
Simone. Watch A LOT of porn!
Practice your dirty talk and try and conquer that fear of sounding too nasty or raunchy, just let loose!
Don’t ever say sorry when you hit a sub or say/do something mean – I know a lot of us have trouble saying sorry too often!
Watch shows, movies and documentaries about BDSM – especially those that focus on BOTH the Dommes and the subs, and their dynamics. (I always recommend this documentary > Fetishes, 1997 by Nick Broomfield. Watched it dozens of times myself).
Do not ever compromise who you are to fit some “Dominatrix standard”. Subs worship all of us, because we are confident in our uniqueness and embrace our inherent power. Being exactly who you are IS enough.

Naomi. Has any of your clients ever asked you out?
Simone. All the time. Most of them are denied of course. Those clients whose company I enjoy I will absolutely join for dinner or dates, but there are always boundaries in place and they know it will not go any further than our agreed upon arrangement.

Naomi. Where is your practice mostly requested?
Simone. Everywhere. In very liberal places like Bangkok and New York. Even very conservative places like The Middle East. BDSM is literally everywhere. I have never experienced a lull in requests.

Naomi. Do clients fly you around the world?
Simone. Yes, absolutely. But most of the time they just wait until I come to their city, as I tour often.

Naomi. Will you eventually change career? Move country?
Simone. I’m not sure if I will change career anytime soon. I have so much freedom, I have financial stability,  and I have the opportunity to travel often with this career. For the first time ever, I love what I do.
I am constantly intrigued and enlightened by all the new experiences and people I meet as a Domme.
Not to mention, being a Dominatrix seems to have significant longevity, with many women doing this well into their 50’s and 60’s.
I think I will always move and live in different countries, because I can never be happy in one place for too long. I like to live in places out of my comfort zone where I can humble myself, and experience life in a different culture and environment. I do hope to go back to the states eventually, but it’s getting increasingly harder for sex workers to thrive there.

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Simone can be found and contacted here and you can follow her whimsical endeavors IG profile on @100percent_that_bitch_  (a name that 10’% suits her).

Illustrations by:

1. Nina Six
2.  Kim Elliot
3. Ajsa
4. Cheese.Girl